Green Orbs
by I'mJustCrazyEnough17
Summary: CP Coulter's Dalton. Adding the growing amount of Jogan fics. In which Julian gets shot and gets amnesia. K  for SLIGHT violence.
1. Chapter 1

**This all belongs to CP Coulter. The characters. The setting. Et cetera. I only own the story itself. Enjoy!**

The blood red sun was setting over the trees. Julian, Derek, and Logan sat with their backs to the moist bark. It had rained that afternoon, leaving everything steaming in the early June heat. None of them faced each other; they sat around the tree staring into the setting night like a guard.

It was hot in Stuart House because the air conditioner had broken. Julian had begged to come outside because it was cooler. No one had liked that idea, especially not Logan and Derek. The rest of the Stuarts had taken to checking up on Julian consistently throughout the day. However, Logan and Derek rarely left Julian's side. So they'd agreed to coming outside, but had insisted that they all face different directions in case the stalker snuck up on them.

"I have so much studying for finals to do," Logan said, sighing and twiddling his thumbs as he stared into the misty air around him.

"Then why don't you just go?" Julian huffed. He sat scrunched up, his legs bent toward him, arms hugging them, chin on knees. It was a protective position.

"Because you and Derek could never take on a murderer," Logan said matter-of-factly, shivering slightly at the thought of Julian and Derek trying to beat up a murderer.

Julian rolled his eyes, though Logan couldn't see.

"Uh, excuse me," Derek said indignantly. "I think I could take on more like _three_ murderers. Single-handedly."

"Unlikely," Logan replied coolly.

"What's your problem?" Derek asked, turning to look at Logan.

"My problem is being out here in the stupid 'cool air' when really everywhere is just as hot as everywhere else. Just because _Julian_ wants to come outside. He completely disregards the fact that _some of us_ actually have to _study_ for finals." Logan's voice sounded full of contempt, and Julian sighed.

"Go. Inside. Stop being such an asshole about it and just leave the rest of us in peace," he said, resting his head against the cool bark.

"I don't know why I hang out with such a selfish prima donna."

"I don't know why I hang out with such a huge _jerk_," Julian shot back, standing up also.

Logan's fists curled, and he got that crazed look he always took on when angry.

"Hey. Ladies. Break it up," Derek said, standing and stepping calmly between them. "Nobody's making anybody else stay here. Logan, if I recall correctly, you were the one who suggested we come out as guards for Julian?"

Logan stomped off without a word, disappearing up the steps of Stuart Hall 50 yards away.

"Great," Julian said. "Just. Perfect." He slumped against the tree. "I really can't stand-"

He never finished his sentence, his lie. A loud crack resounded through the steam of the night. A small silver ball hit Julian in his right side, and he fell to the ground. There was a scream. Derek saw a black figure in the night, not 10 yards away. He appeared to be wearing a cloak.

"That'll teach you to ignore me, Julian Larson! Have fun in HELL!" A laugh, a cackle, and before Derek could move, Adam was running away.

There were more pressing matters, though. Julian lay at Derek's feet, groaning.

Derek kneeled down, his eyes raking Julian's body. He saw the bullet where it had ripped through Julian's t-shirt and into his flesh. There was a small circle of blood, growing ever larger by the moment, around the wound.

Derek's mouth formed words, but he couldn't say anything. He knew he should find help, or call 911, or scream, but he was useless in these situations. So he stayed. He kneeled on the ground and rocked back and forth, trying to think of what to do.

Julian only knew pain. He saw red and black and red again. His side had broken into two, his body unable to move. He couldn't distinguish shapes from other shapes, all he saw was a blur of color.

Somehow, through this, something came through. A thought, a word, what was it? Was it a name? Was it a person?

"Logan," he whispered, thought he didn't know who or what Logan was. Logan seemed, right now, to be a feeling. A feeling other than pain, a feeling of something good.

Had he been in his right mind, Julian would have known that Logan was not, in fact, a feeling of something good at all. He was a feeling of sadness and heartbreak and sorrow. But that bullet must have sucked all the pain away from the emotion, leaving Julian with the bare truth. Which was that Julian was in love with Logan.

"Logan," he repeated, in case he'd been unclear, which he thought he might have been because there had been no response from the colors.

"You want me to get him?" Derek asked, panic in his voice. "I'll get Logan. He'll know what to do."

"Logan," Julian whispered again. That was his only word. He repeated it again and again, even after he knew that the color Derek had gone.

Banging. Shouting.

"LOGAN! GET OUT HERE NOW!"

More banging. More shouting.

Logan rolled his eyes. It was Derek. Was Derek here to get back at him for what he'd said to Julian?

"Look, I'll apologize to Jules," Logan said, opening the door, "but I don't know why you're-" He stopped when he saw Derek's face. He was pale and looked like he was about to vomit.

"Julian," Derek whispered. Other people were peering out of their doors, and Logan assessed the situation quickly. Being a US Senator's son, he knew how to stay calm in emergencies like this. It was ironic, because emergencies were the only time he ever did know how to stay calm.

"Somebody call 911, tell them to come here right now," he said loudly. Several people disappeared into their rooms. Logan then turned to Derek. "Let's go." He grabbed Derek's arm and pulled him violently down the hall, down the stairs, out the door, and across the lawn.

When they got close enough to Julian to see the crumpled boy on the grass where they'd just had their fight, Logan's throat became blocked. He let out a sound. Julian was now bleeding profusely, and he was lying motionless at the foot of the tree. Logan let go of Derek and ran to Julian. He knelt down and touched Julian's cheek.

Julian was whispering something over and over again, but Logan couldn't focus enough to hear it.

"Jules?" Logan whispered.

Julian didn't hear him. His eyes were closed.

"Jules?" Logan said louder.

Julian's eyes flickered open, slowly. He did not immediately process what he saw. However, the colors came into focus slightly and he could see, quite close to his face, the color green in two small orbs.

He knew those green orbs were the feeling Logan.

"Logan?" he asked, even though he'd been whispering this the whole time.

"Jules," Logan breathed. "Hang on, Jules, hang on, the doctors are coming, they're coming, Jules, you'll be fine." He took Julian's hand in his and leaned closer to him. His deep breaths mingled with Julian's shallow ones. "Hold on, please, please, I don't…" He couldn't continue. A sob wracked his body. _I don't want to lose you._

"Logan," Julian said, and he suddenly realized there was something really, really important about the feeling Logan that he had to tell Logan. Logan seemed to be a person, but Julian couldn't be sure. What was the feeling? What were the words?

It was getting harder to think, his brain was becoming black. He knew he only had a few minutes, and through all the pain came distress. Not because he was dying; because he didn't know what he was supposed to tell this person/feeling.

"Logan," he whispered again. "Tell. Logan." There. Tell. He had to tell Logan something.

What? What was it?

It was the feeling. He had to tell Logan the feeling.

What _was_ the feeling?

"What? What do you have to tell me?" Logan asked, his voice quavering, his lungs contracting, tears falling onto Julian's cheek.

Julian forced himself to look up one last time, into the green orbs, and the words fought their way through the blackness.

"I love you," he whispered, and he knew that was it. Those were the words. That was the feeling. This was the person. He could leave now. He was done. The pain took over, the blackness swamped his brain, and the green orbs were all he saw until he saw no more.


	2. Chapter 2

**You asked for it, I'm delivering…**

**And everything is CP Coulter's. I forgot to add that before.**

**Chapter 2**

The boy's head hurt.

His side _really_ hurt.

He opened his eyes, was attacked by the bright lights, and immediately shut them again.

"Is he alright?"

The sound reached him from very, very far away. The boy didn't move. He wasn't sure if he could.

"Yes." An authoritative voice on his left. He could tell. He didn't know where the other voice had been. "He sustained head injuries, probably from his fall, but the bullet did not puncture too far, so his organs were alright. His recovery time shouldn't be all that long."

"But he's alright?" The voice, he could tell that it was on his right, sounded anxious.

"Yes." The authoritative voice sounded annoyed. "Now. Please. Visiting hours are over."

"But I was waiting for him to wake up…" Disappointment. The voice sounded disappointed.

"And he didn't," the authoritative voice said. "Sorry."

The boy's eyes fluttered open again. He didn't want the disappointed/anxious voice to leave, though he wasn't quite sure to whom they belonged.

"Jules?" The voice on his right had a face and a body, which leaned very close to the boy now. The boy blinked a few times, trying to bring the world into focus. "He's awake!" the voice practically shouted. The boy winced.

"You may stay for fifteen minutes…" The voice on the left sounded resigned.

"You've been out cold for three days," the voice on the right with the face that was close by said.

The boy, still blinking rapidly, could not tell who this person was, though his vision had come into focus.

"Who's Jules?" he asked finally, surprised at the sound of his voice.

"What?" The person on his right sounded confused.

"Who is Jules?" the boy repeated.

"Jules? Oh, that's you. I'm talking to you," the boy on his right said. "Jules. That's your nickname. You know that…" He sounded nervous.

"Oh." The boy was confused. Jules. That didn't sound familiar…He searched, trying to figure out what his name _was_, so he could tell the person on his right, who obviously didn't know what the boy's name was. But he couldn't think of anything, so he asked, "And…who are you?"

No response. The person stood straight up, and the boy wished he'd come back, because he was cute.

"Julian?" The authoritative voice.

"Oh, well, Julian, I don't know who you are," the boy said. "Could you please leave?"

"Julian Larson." The authoritative voice again, sounding somewhat nervous as well.

"Julian, what the hell, _leave_," the boy said, exasperated. Why wasn't he _listening_? He was just standing there, looking stricken.

"You…" the boy on the right choked out, "Are…Julian. I'm Logan."

"No, I'm not," the boy said bossily. But he couldn't think of a counter argument. What _was_ his name?

"Doctor?" Now the boy on the right – Logan – sounded hysterical. "What's wrong with him?"

The boy – not Julian, but maybe he was, he couldn't think of a good reason he wasn't Julian – looked at the doctor, too, his big brown eyes confused.

"Excuse me," the doctor said quickly, and exited the room, leaving Logan and MaybeJulian alone.

"Julian. Jules. Julian. Okay. Stop. Now. Snap out of it." Logan snapped his fingers in front of Julian's face. Julian winced and blinked, but the look of confusion didn't leave his face. "Julian!" Logan sounded like he was about to lose his sanity. "Julian, no, are you just pretending?" He grabbed at his hair. "Julian!" he practically shouted.

"Shut up," MaybeJulian spat. "Just shut up. Okay. Okay, I'm Julian, I get the picture. Now. Who _is_ Julian?"

"YOU!" Logan shouted, as though being loud would help Julian remember. "You have amnesia. Oh, dear Lord in Heaven. Julian Larson has amnesia."

"Amnesia?" MaybeJulian knew what that was. "No, I don't have amnesia."

"You don't?" Logan, who'd been looking around the room in distress, looked back at MaybeJulian. "Oh, thank you! So I need to know what you meant when you said…you…before you passed out?"

"Passed out? What? What _did_ I say?" MaybeJulian asked.

"Jules. Stop pretending. You have to face it at some point." Logan rolled his eyes. "I know you're an actor-"

"I'm an actor?"

"Shut up and let me talk," Logan snapped. "Okay. You were about to die, you probably thought it was the end, I guess. Or else you wouldn't have told me, would you?"

"Told you what? I died? No, I didn't, I'm right here."

"Shut. Up." Logan's green eyes were full of fury, and MaybeJulian felt a surge of very, very strong emotion – love – for Logan. Even though he didn't even know Logan. "Just listen, will you? You can't accept that you maybe have feelings for me because you're a primadonna actor who can't accept that he might not be completely _straight_!" He was shouting, moving closer and closer to Julian, who was very afraid and very confused.

"What the hell are you talking about?" Julian asked, interrupting. "I'm not straight? No, of course I am…" He stopped, though, wondering if maybe he wasn't straight.

Logan narrowed his eyes at Julian, opened his mouth, and was about to protest or _something_, when the doctor came in.

"Well. It would appear that Mr. Larson – that's you," he added to MaybeJulian, who'd opened his mouth to ask who it was, "is suffering from Post-Traumatic Amnesia."

Logan spluttered. "How do you know?"

The doctor cut his eyes at Logan. "We can prove it. If that's alright with Julian." He looked at MaybeJulian, who at this point decided that since the doctor was calling him Julian, he must _be_ Julian.

"Julian is a very strange name," Julian mused aloud, ignoring the question.

"I think that's proof enough, Mr. Wright," the doctor said to Logan, whose last name must be Wright.

"No, no, he might just be pretending, because he told me something right before he passed out and maybe he just doesn't want to deal with the _consequences_," he glared at Julian, "of telling me that."

"Alright," the doctor sighed. "I am 99% positive that Mr. Larson is _not_ pretending. There is nothing else I can do. We'll just let him recover fully, and he can go through therapy once he's discharged. Most amnesiacs do regain their memories after some time."

Logan was still glaring at Julian.

"What the hell, man?" Julian asked. "What did I do to you?"

Logan turned and exited the room, muttering, "Nothing," as he went.

**Meh. Quite short. Just wanted the dramatic effect at the end, so I cut it off at 1,000 words or so.**

**Note: I was actually not going to continue this. I figured Julian had died at the end of the first chapter, and I thought it would just be a one-shot. However, y'all wanted more. So I decided to see what I could do. So I brought Julian back from the dead, gave the poor boy amnesia, and Logan. What more could you want in life? XP**

**Review!**

B)


	3. Chapter 3

**Everybody still belongs to CP Coulter. 3**

**Chapter 3**

"Repeat after me. Hi, my name is Julian Larson."

"Hi, my name is Julian Larson."

"I am an actor."

"I am an actor."

"I play Grant on Something Damaged."

"I play Grant on Something Damaged."

"My father is a director."

"My father is a director."

"My mother is a-"

"Wait." Julian stuck up his hand to stop the therapist, Linda. "Question."

"Yes?"

"I have I ever done anything else? Did I do other movies? Do I play guitar or something? Am I a singer?" His eyebrows were knit, thinking hard, wishing he could answer these questions himself.

"You have done several movies," Linda responded. "I don't know if you play any instruments. But you do sing, I can ask someone to bring over a CD…"

"That's alright," Julian said. "I believe it." Secretly, he'd spent the night before singing quietly to himself in his dorm room, just to see if he could.

"Any other questions? We only have about five minutes left," she said, looking at her watch. She rarely made eye contact with Julian, who didn't know if he had experience in these matters, but it seemed like a therapist should look directly at a patient.

"Yes." Julian wrung his hands in his lap, squeezed them until they hurt. "Do you know…" Say it. He had to say it, he didn't know who else to ask. Logan was so confusing when he tried to bring it up, and Julian got the feeling even he didn't know the answer. Julian wasn't so sure if he liked Derek or not, or if Derek liked him, so he didn't have the guts to ask Derek. "…if I…" Spit it out. "…am gay."

Linda looked surprised, maybe even taken aback. "Well, Julian, you are the only one who would know for sure. You never told anyone if you were – er – _are_. Sexual preference does not change." She stood up suddenly. "Well, Mr. Larson, that's it. Your ride should be waiting. Logan again?"

"Yes." Logan. Julian didn't know what to think of the green-eyed blonde. Then again, Logan wasn't exactly making it easy. He kept trying to catch Julian off guard. He still believed that Julian was faking, though Julian had yet to find out what he'd done that would give him reason to fake amnesia.

Julian arrived in the waiting room to see an old couple conversing in whispers, a teenage girl with heavy makeup around her eyes, and Logan, sitting awkwardly in a straight-backed chair. Julian's heart leapt at the sight of Logan.

"Let's go," Logan said, quickly standing up and jerking his thumb toward the car.

Julian nodded, and followed Logan outside.

The car was parked in the farthest parking spot because on the way there Julian had complained about having to walk so far to Logan's parking space at Dalton. So to irk him, Logan had parked in the farthest parking space he could find at the therapist's office.

"Hey, uh, Logan?" Julian asked, trying to keep up with Logan's long strides.

"Yes?" Logan asked, not looking at Julian.

"Why do you pick me up if you hate me so much?" Julian asked, looking at the side of Logan's head.

A pause, and then, "I don't hate you."

"You sure do a good job of pretending."

"It's acting. You should understand."

"Why would you act like you hate me?"

"Because of…because I'm…Why don't you just leave me alone, Jules?" Logan's eyes flashed, and Julian recognized that look that Logan seemed to get whenever he was angry. And Logan got _very_ angry, _very_ fast.

"Because I have no one else," Julian answered truthfully.

They had reached Logan's car, but neither got in. Logan leaned against the driver's door. "Listen, pretty boy primadonna. If you really do have amnesia, and you were never _that_ great of an actor, so I'm choosing to believe you until you slip up, then you wouldn't understand. There are a lot of complicated things between you and I, apparently, that even I didn't know about. Now." He changed the subject. "School is out in a week and I need to know. Do you want to come to my summer home in the Hamptons with Derek and I?"

Julian was surprised. He hadn't expected Logan to invite him to live with him for the summer, because Logan seemed annoyed with him 99% of the time. Julian had expected to have to go to Hollywood and live there to be rained on by paparazzi all the time. He couldn't remember ever meeting paparazzi, but he figured it had probably happened, and it created a feeling of annoyance just to think about it, so he figured he hated them.

"I-er-well, sure." He smiled happily. "That would be fun. Have I ever been there?"

"Yes, loads of times. I've been to yours, too. Me and Derek." Logan opened the door and Julian went around the car to his side.

"I have a summer home in the Hamptons?" he asked, bewildered as Logan turned the key in the ignition.

"Of course you do," Logan said impatiently.

"Oh, hey," Julian said quickly, because he didn't like when Logan got mad at him, and he wasn't quite sure if it was okay to get mad in return. "Do I play any instruments?"

"Yeah, piano, I taught you awhile ago. You probably don't remember anymore because of your stupid amnesia," Logan said, pulling out onto the street.

"Actually, when you have amnesia you retain skills like playing piano. So I wouldn't remember you actually teaching me, but I could play what you taught me," Julian explained patiently.

Logan rolled his eyes.

"Derek was really hoping you'd want to come to the Hamptons," he said in lieu of a response.

"Oh really? I wasn't sure if he liked me or not," Julian said.

"He's just being very careful around you, I guess. He might just be afraid that you remember what he did when you got shot."

"What did he do when I got shot?" Julian asked. It was hard to wrap his mind around the idea that he'd gotten shot and didn't even remember it.

"He freaked out. Completely lost his cool. He really likes you, don't think he doesn't." Logan was silent for a minute. "Anyway. Are you ready for finals? Because I so am not at all."

Julian allowed him to change the conversation, even though Logan knew that Julian didn't have to take finals.

**Review please! And never forget that I love each and every one of you that has reviewed/favorite so far. I jump for joy when I get the e-mail that says "_ has added you to his/her favorite stories list" or whatever it says. It's lovely.**


	4. Chapter 4

**Thanks again for all your reviews. I love the kind words. They make my day.**

**Everything is CP Coulter's.**

**Chapter 4**

"Thanks." Julian took the drink from the waitress and set it on the table in front of him, staring into its depths as though it was foreign to him.

"It's Coke, Jules," Derek said from across the table, where he had his phone out and was texting his girlfriend – or one of them, Logan had informed Julian that Derek was quite the womanizer.

"I know what it is, I ordered it, didn't I?" Julian snapped, still staring at the little bubbles.

He was actually looking at the drink because Logan's leg had bumped into his under the table.

And Logan wasn't moving it.

Neither was Julian.

"Just making sure, I don't know what goes on in your brain these days," Derek replied bitterly, and still Julian wondered how Derek _actually_ felt about him. Yes – Logan told him that Derek was quite fond of Julian. But it wasn't the same. Julian didn't get the same vibe from Derek that he got from Logan. Even through all of Logan's tough words and rude attitude toward Julian, Julian felt like he knew that Logan truly liked him. Maybe even loved him, as a best friend or perhaps more.

The leg that was still touching Julian's suggested that maybe Logan really did like him as more than a best friend.

"So." Logan looked at Julian with a knowing glint in his eye, and Julian's heart began to race. "We have to catch an early flight tomorrow morning, how about we not stay up late tonight? I think we should finish our dinner here and go to bed as soon as possible. You guys remember what happened last time we stayed up all night and arrived at the airport too late the next morning?"

Derek laughed, just as Julian said loudly, "No."

Derek's eyebrows raised and Logan's leg jerked away from Julian's as Logan turned to look at him.

"Shit." Logan ran a hand through his hair.

Julian, seeing his distress and loving it, just smirked.

"I…" Logan seemed to have nothing to say to this.

"Well, this is awkward…" Derek said quietly, staring at the screen of his phone.

"Yeah, I didn't even-" Logan started, but was cut off.

"No, what you just said isn't awkward. What's awkward is that my girlfriend just texted me that I'm the hottest blonde she's ever seen and last night was amazing." Derek gave a short laugh. "Guess she's out. It's good because there was that hot redhead I slept with last time we came to your place in the Hamptons and I wanted to see if she was here again…"

Logan laughed.

Julian didn't respond because he didn't know how to.

"Julian, could you turn off the light, please?" Logan asked from his bed. Julian, who was busy shoving his toiletries back into his bag, looked up at the light across the room.

"Not yet," he said, giving one last heave and finally fitting the smaller bag into the suitcase.

Logan grumbled. Julian crossed the room and flicked off the light, and the world was plunged into darkness.

"Now I can't see," Julian said to the darkness.

"Mmph," the darkness, in form of Logan's voice, said back.

Julian stood stock still.

"Use your cell phone," the darkness suggested grumpily.

Julian fished in his pocket for his phone, but realized it was on the bedside table. He still had to get around Derek's bed, and then Logan's bed to get to his own.

Hesitantly, he reached out with his hand, trying to picture the room as it had been with light. Logan's pants were balled up somewhere by the foot of his bed…the TV was on his right…He stepped forward. He waved his arms around in front of him, thankful that neither Derek nor Logan could see.

"Are you using your cell phone?" the darkness asked, shifting so that his sheets made a loud noise in the silence.

"No, it's on my bedside table," Julian replied, tripping over Logan's pants. He reached out a hand to steady himself, but there was nothing there, and he fell onto Logan's bed.

"Hey!" the darkness yelled, and Julian felt Logan rolling around, squirming to get his feet out from under Julian.

"Sorry!" Julian exclaimed, and was about to get up when he felt a hand on his arm.

Logan had untangled himself from his sheets and was inches from Julian's face, Julian could feel it, he knew, he just knew.

"I wish you could remember," Logan whispered, his hot breath on Julian's face, his nose inhaling it, his mouth longing for it, his eyes boring into the pitch black to see it.

"Teach me," Julian replied, heart racing, beat, beat, beat. He felt his face flush, but it didn't matter.

Julian didn't know what would have happened if Derek hadn't coughed to remind them of his presence.

Julian stood up and staggered the few feet to his bed, laid down on it, drew his covers up to his neck, and faced Logan's bed. He wondered if Logan was facing him, too. He wondered if they were actually looking at each other right now.

He decided they were. He smiled. He felt Logan smile back, though he couldn't be sure.

_I wish you could remember._

_Teach me._

Julian hoped Logan would teach him to remember. Julian wished he knew what Logan was talking about when he said 'I wish you could remember.' It was frustrating and terrible and here, in the darkness, Julian wished fervently that he hadn't lost his memory.

If he hadn't, he might know why Logan was acting the way he was – angry and flirty and wonderful and terrible. He might know if Logan had always acted this way. He might know what, exactly, had happened just before he passed out after he got shot.

There were so many things that Julian didn't understand.

_Teach me._

**Review!**


	5. Chapter 5

**Everything is CP Coulter's!**

**Chapter 5**

The sun beat down on Julian's shoulders, his neck; his shirt was his only protection from the harsh UV rays. He wore swim trunks and sunglasses, and was lying on a chair at Logan's pool. Logan was on the chair next to him, with Derek on Julian's other side. Derek had dosed off, tired from the flight that morning, and Logan and Julian were going through alternating periods of embarrassment about the night before and happiness about it. They'd both been too open, they knew it.

_I wish you could remember._

_Teach me._

It was too much, maybe, and too soon, though Julian didn't really know. He couldn't tell.

His eyelids were drooping, the sun making him tired, and he didn't care about anything too much. Consequences weren't a problem, so that's why he said, "Tell me about us, Logan."

Logan, whose eyelids were also struggling to stay open, and who also didn't care about anything too much at the moment, said, "I don't know much, Jules. I really don't know as much about us as I thought I did."

"What is that supposed to mean, though?" Julian asked lazily.

"It means that I found out something that you told me that I don't know is true anymore, and I never knew it was true before, and I don't know what to do about it," Logan said, closing his eyes against the harsh light of mid-afternoon.

"What is it?" Julian asked, also with his eyes closed. The sun felt so good, life felt so good…at least, it would if he could remember it.

"I don't think I can tell you," Logan replied slowly. "It would be too…it would…well. I just can't tell you."

Julian slowly opened his eyes and sat up. "Why?"

"Because." Logan stubbornly refused to open his eyes.

Julian slammed his fist onto his chair. "Dammit, Logan, look at me!"

Logan's eyelids fluttered open slowly. He looked at Julian with a peaceful expression, which only made Julian more angry.

"What the hell, man?" Julian yelled, standing up. "You can't hide something about me from me! It's about _me_, dammit! I deserve to know! I want to understand, you're supposed to tell me everything, you're supposed to be the one who tells me about myself, please, just tell me, it's important, I know it, I feel it!" He shouted all of this, looking at Logan with anger and what wasn't hatred but was maybe love.

"If you can't figure it out, I shouldn't tell you," Logan said calmly. It was the first time Julian had ever seen Logan truly calm, actually peaceful, yet. Of course, Julian didn't know if he'd ever seen Logan like this before, but he was willing to bet that he hadn't.

Derek was awake now. He sat up and both Logan and Julian looked at him. "Jules, there's something you should know about Logan." Logan didn't protest to this, just looked at Derek with a haze in his green eyes that was all-too familiar to Derek but not at all to Julian. "Logan has anger issues-"

"So what's new?" Julian cut across him.

"-so he has these pills that his dad wants him to take, but he never does because-"

"Because then I can never feel anything," Logan said tranquilly, as though he were discussing the weather and not his own emotions.

"And for some reason he didn't want to feel anything today, apparently," Derek concluded.

"I should be really, really pissed at you for that," Logan said. "Maybe I didn't want him to know."

"Wait, so you're like…you're…" Julian struggled to understand.

"Drugged so the world makes sense?" Logan supplied.

Julian just looked at him.

"The world doesn't make sense for anyone, Logan, I don't know why you think it will if you drug yourself," Julian said softly, speaking more to himself than to Logan. "It just doesn't make sense." He shook his head and turned away from Logan, on his side, to try to see if he could remember anything.

"!"

The scream pierced the general silence of the restaurant, echoing through the ears of all the diners in their fine evening wear. Everyone turned to look as a short little blonde girl ran over to where Julian, Derek, and Logan were sitting in the back corner of the restaurant. Julian turned his head so no one would know she was screaming for him, but it was stupid and useless, because she came over and went, "Are you Julian Larson?"

Julian turned his head. "I suppose so," he said witheringly, because even though since he'd lost his memory he'd only been noticed a few times, he found it annoying already. Especially because the girls were always talking about things he didn't understand, like himself.

The general public did not know about Julian's amnesia, because the hope was that it would go away and things would be a lot less complicated if no one knew about it in the first place.

"Wow. Wow. I just completely love you in _Something Damaged_, I can't wait until it comes back in the fall. Grant is the best character hands down. And you're hot." She was grinning widely, completely at ease talking to a celebrity.

"Thank you," Julian said politely, glancing at Logan, who was delicately putting a forkful of lasagna into his mouth. His green eyes retained that hazy look, the look of not feeling. He'd been taking the medication for a week, and he'd been so much different than usual.

Julian hated it.

The fire, the passion, the reason that Julian liked Logan…all of these things were gone. Logan was boring.

So Julian had found himself spending more and more time with Derek, and he was realizing that maybe Derek didn't hate him after all.

"So what was your favorite episode to film?" the girl asked.

Julian blinked at her. "Um." He barely even knew what the show was about – the premise had been described to him once, but he hadn't quite grasped the concept. "Well, I thought the, uh…" He trailed off. Crap.

"Hey," Derek said suddenly, and Julian and Logan looked at him. The blonde girl still stared at Julian. "That's kind of rude, you know. Obviously he's having a private dinner with his friends, why would you think it's okay to come over here like that? This isn't an interview."

The girl finally looked at Derek. "Why doesn't he just speak up for himself if he has so much of a problem with it?" she asked sweetly, but with a biting edge hiding just under the sugar coat on her words.

"Because maybe he has manners – unlike you – and I don't have manners, so I'm perfectly alright with saying get out of here or I'll pour my water down your shirt." Derek glared at her until she finally turned, and with a final glance back at Julian, walked off.

"Usually Logan does that, but, well…" Derek gestured a hand in Logan's direction. The blonde was staring out the window at the water in the distance, boats bobbing up and down in the light of dusk.

"I think," Logan said slowly, peeling his gaze away from the window, "that we should have a _Something Damaged_ marathon. You know, I've always kind of loved that show…" He threw a wink in Julian's direction.

Julian didn't know how to respond, so he just smiled half-heartedly and turned his attention to his steak.


	6. Chapter 6

**CP Coulter owns everything!**

**Chapter 6**

Logan's medication usually wore off around 10 P.M., so he was the most fun at night. He was always getting upset about things and yelling and then he was also much more daring about Julian and Julian swore that he'd been downright flirty on more than one occasion.

Then the next day he woke up and took his pills.

Logan came downstairs in sweatpants, holding a boxed set of Season 1 of _Something Damaged_. Julian could see his own face peering out from the cover, and it was very strange to see himself in pictures that he didn't remember being taken.

"Okay." Logan's green eyes were bright again as he popped the box open and pulled out a DVD. "So you are about to experience what will probably be the strangest feeling of your life," he said, looking at Julian as he deftly opened the DVD player and stuck the DVD into it. He picked up the remote from the coffee table and turned on the TV.

"I am prepared," Julian said, putting his feet up on the ottoman.

Derek came in with a bowl full of popcorn and set it on the couch. He sat down next to it, causing some kernels to spill. "We've all seen this about a hundred times," he complained, but when Julian shot him an angry glare, he pretended to pick his fingernails.

"I never get tired of it," Logan said as the title menu appeared, with Julian's face peering out sulking. He sat next to Julian, close, close, too close. Julian didn't really mind though. His shoulder was pressed right up to Logan's, his thigh ran along Logan's, his knee was on Logan's…

Logan pressed play.

And Julian found out that Logan was right. He was completely and totally right. It was the strangest feeling of his life.

Well, he didn't know for sure. Maybe he'd had stranger feelings.

But watching himself onscreen, doing things he did not remember doing at all, as if it was someone else…

That was weird.

But he was _good_. He'd been afraid he was a terrible actor, but he wasn't at all. He was actually very, very talented.

The first episode ended and Derek was texting someone and Logan was staring at Julian. Julian hadn't even noticed, he'd been so engrossed in watching the show and himself and trying to remember filming the show, which he didn't.

Julian glanced at Logan and jumped.

"You scared me!" he exclaimed.

"You get scared too easily," Logan replied with a smirk.

"You need to keep your eyes to yourself."

"You need to learn to watch TV without an expression so laughable as yours."

"You need to learn to ignore people with laughable expressions."

"You need to learn to stop being so adorable."

"…"

"…"

"I'm tired." Julian stood suddenly and walked jerkily out of the room, forcing his feet to move, forcing his heart to slow down, forcing his cheeks to stay a normal color, forcing his breaths to keep coming, forcing his legs up the stairs, forcing his mind to stop working, working, working, so fast, too fast.

The kitchen was open and airy, a window left open the night before letting a breeze come in from the ocean a few blocks away. Sunlight filtered through it, landing on the island, on which Julian was leaning, stirring coffee creamer into his coffee. He stared into the swirling brown substance, staring…thinking…He'd been up the whole night before, because he knew he needed to remember how he'd felt about Logan before, how Logan had felt about him, what he'd said to Logan just before he passed out, and whether or not Logan knew he was gay.

None of these questions were getting any answers, though, because he still couldn't remember anything.

"Distracted?"

Julian jumped, sloshing some of his coffee out of the cup.

Derek was standing in the entranceway to the kitchen.

"Why do you say that?" Julian asked, faking nonchalance.

"You've been stirring your coffee for three minutes," Derek said, pretending to check his watch.

"Oh. Well. I just like it extra stirred." Julian could've smacked himself. Wasn't he supposed to be an actor?

"Let's go for a walk," Derek said, jerking his head toward the door.

"Okay." Julian couldn't say no and maybe Derek would give him some helpful information – maybe he knew what Julian had said to Logan before Julian passed out.

The sun was shining bright, the sidewalk nearly empty. Julian and Derek headed in the direction of the beach, not talking for a little while.

"So," Derek said finally, not looking at Julian, "I think you deserve to know what happened the night you were shot, even if Logan tells me he'll kill me if I tell you."

There was a silence that Julian didn't want to break in case Derek changed his mind.

"It was a warm night. You had this creep who was threatening you – he left all these death threats. So Logan and I didn't want you to go out alone. You asked us if you could go outside because it was a nice night, and we went out with you. Logan started complaining and you guys fought, and he went back inside. Then you got shot. And I ran inside to get Logan, who kept his calm…way more than I did. I thought you were gonna die, man, I was freaked out. So Logan took hold of the situation – he saved your life. He told someone to call 911 and then he came to you.

"You were losing it. You got shot in the side, and you…" He took a deep breath, composing himself for something very important. "Okay, a little back story I think. You've been in love with Logan since-"

"DEREK SEIGERSON!"

Logan.

"Crap. Sorry, man," Derek said, turning around and waving.

"What are you doing?" Logan asked, panting as he ran up to Julian and Derek.

Julian, remembering the night before, felt crimson in his cheeks. What should he say? What should he do?

"Nothing. We're just walking. Is that illegal now?" Derek kept his calm, while Julian's palms were sweating. And _Julian was the actor._

"I just thought you might be telling him…" Logan's eyes cut to Julian, green eyes, bright green eyes, no haze. He had apparently decided to skip the medication this morning.

Julian squirmed under Logan's gaze, intense, the green making him feel uncomfortable because he didn't know – he didn't remember – he didn't understand what had happened.

He still didn't.

'_You've been in love with Logan since-'_

Since when?

Was Logan in love back?

Had they been together? Were they going out? Had Julian ruined it all by not remembering?

"No. I wasn't. I wouldn't. It's not mine to tell, is it?" Derek sighed. "You need to tell him, though. Soon."

"I will," Logan said quickly, and Julian looked at him with hopeful eyes. "Just not today," he said to Julian, and Julian thought he saw something flicker in Logan's eyes – love – but it probably wasn't.

Probably it was just…fondness. Because they were best friends, weren't they?

Yeah.

But.

'_You need to learn to stop being so adorable.'_

Either Logan was one for strange compliments that meant absolutely nothing whatsoever.

Or he liked Julian.


	7. Chapter 7

**CP Coulter owns all of the characters you are about to read about right NOW. **

**And I love each and every one of your reviews and you!**

**Chapter 7 (golly. Seven? Chapter SEVEN? How. Did. That. Happen.)**

The sun was reaching its peak in the sky, bathing everything in its harsh light. Julian laid on his towel, looking up at Logan, who was reading a book under the umbrella. Derek was off with some girl behind the sand dunes.

"What do you think they're doing?" Julian asked, though he knew. He didn't want to make assumptions about Derek, though, and so he asked.

Logan scoffed, not looking up. But his bright green eyes stopped roving the page, so Julian knew that he had the blonde's full attention. "What do _you_ think they're doing?"

"So I was right," Julian mused, moving his finger around in the sand, making a little hole.

"Yes."

Logan's eyes started moving along the page again, so Julian cast around for another topic of conversation.

"I'm surprised I haven't gotten swamped by now," he said.

"Mmmm." Logan looked up finally, and Julian wished he hadn't, because the bright green eyes were so piercing that Julian thought they might be looking right at his soul. "That's because we're in the Hamptons, and usually people are able to control themselves…" His gaze drifted upward and he watched as a girl in a bikini top ran by, spraying sand all over Julian's back. "Well. Maybe not."

Julian laughed lightly, standing up.

"I'm hungry," he announced, stretching. He saw Logan watching his chest, his abs, his shoulder muscles, as they moved fluently with his body.

"Me too," Logan agreed, snapping his book shut.

"Let's leave Derek to fend for himself while we find sustenance." Julian picked up his towel and started to fold it up.

"No. Leave it," Logan said, and Julian dropped the towel. "It was rude enough of him to just go off with some girl like that. Honestly? She wasn't even that hot."

"How would you know?" Julian teased as he pulled his shirt over his head.

There was a silence before Logan said, "I have eyes too."

Another silence where Julian wanted to ask something but he didn't really know what.

"And speaking of which…" Logan was looking at everyone on the beach but Julian.

"Yes?" Julian prompted, concentrating on his feet.

"You. What team do you actually play for?"

…

…

…

Julian didn't know what to say, so for a very long time he didn't say anything. They got off the beach and onto the street. They went a full block before Logan got fed up.

"Dammit, Jules, you must _know_!" He turned to Julian, coming to a halt entirely.

"I think I do," Julian said quietly, very quietly. He wasn't even sure if Logan could hear.

"Then please." Logan's hand flew up to his hair. He tugged at a few strands half-heartedly. "Enlighten me, because I am _very _confused."

"Why?" Julian asked, angry. "You're the one who knew me before! I don't know if I'm gay, I don't know if I'm bi, I just don't know. You know better than I do."

"I thought I did," Logan said, looking up into the sun, squinting his eyes but it didn't matter because it was better than looking at Julian.

"Are you saying that you think I lied to you?" Julian asked.

"I'm saying that I know you lied to me."

"How do you know that?"

"Because of what you told me…when you thought you were going to die." Logan was pinching the bridge of his nose now, and they were standing in the middle of the sidewalk as a couple pushed past them, muttering under their breaths.

"And what did I tell you?" Julian asked, glaring at Logan. "Because I think I have a right to know."

Logan shook his head. "I can't tell you."

"Why not?" Julian stamped his foot, looking ridiculous and like a child but did it matter?

"Because it would…it would…you…I can't even tell you why without telling you it." Logan started walking again, and Julian had no choice but to follow, more confused than ever.

"So you honestly don't know?" Logan asked after another block. "Whether you're gay or straight or what?"

"No." Julian shook his head.

The truth was, he was attracted to girls.

And Logan.

He did feel some twinges of affection…_like that_…for other guys, but not as strong as for Logan. It had to be love, what he felt for Logan.

And girls paled in comparison to Logan.

He just wondered…how much of that did Logan know? What had he told Logan? Had he told Logan that he liked him, or was that unnecessary because Logan already knew? _Did_ Logan know?

But what else could he have told Logan? It wasn't inconsequential, and it had to do with his sexuality.

Maybe it was turned around. Maybe Logan thought he was gay and he'd told Logan, for whatever reason, that he wasn't.

It was so confusing.

As Logan opened the door of a café for Julian, and Julian walked through, he wondered what would happen when he remembered again. He'd remember what he'd told Logan, how they stood, what had happened between them…

And Logan would be completely and utterly screwed.

"_Logan?" Julian asked, even though he'd been whispering this the whole time._

"_Jules," Logan breathed. "Hang on, Jules, hang on, the doctors are coming, they're coming, Jules, you'll be fine." He took Julian's hand in his and leaned closer to him. His deep breaths mingled with Julian's shallow ones. "Hold on, please, please, I don't…" He couldn't continue. A sob wracked his body. _I don't want to lose you.

"_Logan," Julian said, and he suddenly realized there was something really, really important about the feeling Logan that he had to tell Logan. Logan seemed to be a person, but Julian couldn't be sure. What was the feeling? What were the words?_

_It was getting harder to think, his brain was becoming black. He knew he only had a few minutes, and through all the pain came distress. Not because he was dying; because he didn't know what he was supposed to tell this person/feeling._

"_Logan," he whispered again. "Tell. Logan." There. Tell. He had to tell Logan something. _

_What? What was it? _

_It was the feeling. He had to tell Logan the feeling._

_What was the feeling?_

"_What? What do you have to tell me?" Logan asked, his voice quavering, his lungs contracting, tears falling onto Julian's cheek._

_Julian forced himself to look up one last time, into the green orbs, and the words fought their way through the blackness._

"_I love you," he whispered, and he knew that was it. Those were the words. That was the feeling. This was the person. He could leave now. He was done. The pain took over, the blackness swamped his brain, and the green orbs were all he saw until he saw no more._

Julian sat up straight.

His sheets were slightly wet, and he realized he'd been sweating.

His dream.

The dream.

That was it.

It was what he had to remember.

That was what he'd told Logan.

But what was it?

What was it that he'd said?

Julian wracked his brains, trying to remember, but it was all becoming a blur. He couldn't remember the words that were said. He only knew that Logan and he were in it, it was dark out, and Logan was crying.

And Julian was supposedly dying.

The dream…

Moonlight slanted through the window and fell across Julian's bed, slightly morphed by the rain trailing down the window.

Sleep slowly overtook Julian, though he tried to fight it, and he fell into a shallow, fitful sleep, during which he did not dream and he did not remember.


	8. Chapter 8

**Today in Video Productions class I mapped out this whole story. So be excited, guys, 'cause I have an ending!**

**This isn't it though.**

**You have to bear with me.**

**I love your reviews soooooo much, they make my day!**

**Again: CP Coulter. Owns. These. People.**

**Chapter 8**

"BECAUSE YOU OWE IT TO HIM!"

Julian sat up in bed the next morning to a sunny day and shouts from downstairs. Apparently, Logan was in a mood, and didn't care if Julian overheard him. Or maybe the possibility just never occurred to him.

Either way, there Julian was, in the room directly above Derek and Logan, who were yelling at each other.

Julian stayed completely still, listening with all his might.

"Owe it to him? Why? Why the hell would I owe him _anything?_ He never _told me_ anything!" Logan yelled back.

"He couldn't!"

"Why not?"

"You don't understand the kind of stress the poor boy was under?" Derek's voice started to get quieter, so Julian slipped out of bed and into the hall, where he could hear the voices of his two best friends up the stairs.

"He's a movie star. Half his talent is sex appeal – I'm sorry, but you know it's true, Lo, you know it is – if he was gay, and ended up with a boyfriend, people would be relentless. It would be terrible. His fame would be right out the window, and honestly, Lo, what else has he got?"

"He'd have me!" Logan shouted.

"He would. He would, you're right, but did you ever actually look at him twice?"

"Yes."

"And then again?"

"…"

"Right, because you were always busy looking at other boys and chasing after people to see that Julian was in love with you!"

The world tilted under Julian. The off-white walls around him started spinning, and he dropped to the ground on his knees before he fell.

_Julian was in love with you. You were always busy looking at other boys._

He remembered that.

Blaine.

Kurt.

He remembered.

He was five, his face was on the cover of a magazine at the supermarket; he was six, eating chocolate ice cream while people took his picture; he was seven, starring in a commercial; he was eight, learning to ride a bike; he was nine, memorizing lines; he was ten, being rejected by a big producer; he was eleven, being rejected again; he was twelve, being chased by paparazzi on his first official date; he was thirteen, being rejected again and again and again; he was fourteen, coming to Dalton; he was fifteen, falling in love with another boy; he was sixteen, watching that boy falling in love with another boy; he was seventeen, he was here, he was right here.

He wanted to shout, he wanted to run into the kitchen and tell Logan and Derek, he wanted to be happy, happy about remembering.

But then he remembered something else, something far more recent:

Logan wouldn't tell him what he'd told Logan.

Which was…

That he loved him.

Julian had told Logan that he loved him.

Julian's head was spinning again. What could he do? Logan knew. The only thing keeping them apart was the fact that Julian didn't know.

And that was a good thing; right?

Right?

Julian stood slowly and made his way back to his bedroom.

He couldn't be with Logan like that.

He just couldn't.

Derek was right; his fame would go down the tubes.

His life would be ripped apart.

And besides – Logan hadn't told him anything important. That was terrible. Why would he do something like that?

It didn't matter, though, because he had. He had kept Julian's own past a secret from Julian, and that didn't deserve reward.

Even while a fire of anger flared up in Julian for this, his heart still longed for Logan, still wanted him to just run out and, without regard to consequences, kiss Logan passionately all over his body.

But would Logan want that?

Yes. Yes, he would, of course he would, he'd been so flirty, he had to _like_ Julian…like that.

But why?

Why so all of a sudden, and why the change?

Was it because he knew that Julian liked him?

Was he happy that, for once, someone actually liked him back?

Julian's head pounded, his heart pounded, because he knew that he couldn't let anyone know. He had to keep the fact that he remembered a secret; he couldn't tell Logan that he remembered everything, or else Logan would want to get on with it all and be in love mutually for the first time in either of their lives.

It wouldn't be easy.

But it was the only way to give himself some time to think.

"You're up late," was Logan's greeting when Julian finally arrived in the kitchen, fully dressed. He'd spent the past hour remembering things, and now he was ready for his biggest acting job yet.

"Yeah. I dreamt…I dreamt about some tigers that were eating me," he said, hoping he sounded pitiful enough and scared and confused about life.

Logan looked at him strangely. "That's interesting," he said.

"It is. And there were people yelling too…" There was a mean glint in Julian's eye as he said this.

Logan's eyebrows shot up and he kicked Derek before Derek could say anything.

"So, what's for lunch?" Julian asked, walking around the island counter and standing next to Logan. Close, too close, but hey – he might as well enjoy this while he could.

Logan eyed him for a minute, Julian's elbow pushing up against Logan's forearm. Finally Logan said, "We've already had lunch, but we saved you some leftovers." He motioned to a piece of pizza.

Julian groaned. "This is the third day in a row we've had pizza for lunch."

"And you're loving it," Logan said, nudging Julian. "Right?"

Julian rolled his eyes. "I've never liked pizza," he said sadly.

"You don't know that," Logan said, cutting his eyes toward Julian quickly, noticing Julian's mistake.

"It's just a guess, relax." Julian picked up the plate and began to eat the pizza.

"No, if you hate it so much, we can just find something else," Logan said suddenly, breaking away from where he'd been slowly edging closer and closer to Julian. As he opened the fridge and peered in, Julian saw Derek look at him in a knowing way.

Julian put a finger to his lips and gave Derek a pleading gaze.

After a moment, Derek opened his mouth. Julian wanted to tackle him and make him shut up, but then Derek said, "What should we do this afternoon?"

So Derek was on his side.

Julian knew that he'd always been – he had known Julian loved Logan.

Here, in this kitchen, as Logan handed Julian a box of frozen waffles and told him that he could have them if he wanted, all of Julian's dreams were coming true.

So why did Logan himself have to have ruined it all?

Why couldn't he just have told Julian about what he'd told him, about how he didn't know that Julian loved him, but how Julian had used what he thought was his last breath to tell Logan that he loved him?

This could have been perfect.

But it wasn't.


	9. Chapter 9

**Mini-chapter, but it just felt like I couldn't NOT make it a mini-chapter, you know? I think it's time we had a mini-chapter, anyway, don't you?**

**Annnd CP Coulter owns these characters!**

**Chapter 9**

"Oh," Julian caught Logan's arm as Logan walked past him on his way to the bathroom. "I need you for something."

"What is it?" Logan turned, all thoughts of how it was late and he was tired and he needed to go to the bathroom flying out of his head.

"Come here." Julian pulled Logan by the arm into his bedroom. What he was about to do was mean, very, very mean. But he had to do it.

"Okay, Logan. I'm an asshole, I want you to remember that," he said as he pulled Logan onto his bed.

Logan's eyes were wide, he was obviously trying to stay calm, but it wasn't working.

"And I know it, and nothing you tell me in the next few days will matter, because I need to do this." Julian laid back on his bed, Logan was on top of him.

Slowly.

Slowly.

His heart raced.

He felt nervous.

He'd never kissed a boy before.

And he was about to do it in about the worst way possible.

With a heavy cloud of guilt over his head.

Slowly.

Lips collided, scarlet on scarlet, moving, there was a hint of tongue, Logan's cheek was pressed against Julian's, his hands entangled in Julian's hair, and Julian wanted to cry.

It felt good.

It felt very, very good to kiss John Logan Wright III.

It felt right.

But it was wrong. Because of what Julian knew he had to do.

He pulled away, because he had to, not because he wanted to. He would kiss Logan all night if he could.

Logan just looked at him, those green eyes staring into Julian's.

This was the only way.

Only.

Way.

Julian couldn't do it.

He couldn't.

"I'm sorry, Logan, I don't think I'm gay."

Julian felt numb.

He didn't even notice Logan standing up slowly, looking heartbroken, hurt, the same look Julian had seen him wear before only now it was directed at Julian and hadn't Julian promised himself that he would never, ever make Logan feel that way?

He wanted to call after Logan, but he remember that he couldn't love Logan, he wasn't allowed to be gay, Logan was a jerk…

That heartbreak, though…

All of a sudden, it rushed at Julian: he was an idiot. That was not necessary. He didn't need to do that, there were other ways.

He'd just thought that it was the only way to make Logan believe him.

The only way for Logan to really think that Julian wasn't gay.

That was stupid.

Really stupid.

Idiot.

It was too late, Logan was turning around and walking away, and he was slamming Julian's door and he was banging around in the hallway and Julian was crying on his bed and what had he done?


	10. Chapter 10

**Sorry it took a little while…But yeah, here I am!**

**I'm still really, really, really loving your reviews. They make my day.**

**All these characters remain CP Coulter's…**

**Chapter 10**

Hazy green eyes stared back at Julian across the table. Children were screaming and babbling. Sunlight was filling the air with visible pieces of dust. The aroma of coffee and donuts was strong.

"Someone say something."

A voice from the left.

Julian turned his gaze slowly to see Derek sitting impatiently next to Logan.

"I'm just trying to figure out. Do people with amnesia always turn into such huge asses, or is that just Julian?" Logan's heart wasn't in the insult, Julian could tell, because he'd begun taking his pills again and now his heart wasn't in anything.

"Julian is not an ass," Derek said for the fifteenth time that day. "I don't know what he did to you, but you need to just get over it because I'm sure he didn't mean it."

"Yeah." Logan swirled his coffee with the stirrer. "He didn't mean any of it." His movements were slow and he looked fuzzy around the edges. Or was that just Julian's eyes filling up with salt water, like they had so many times in the past few days.

"I'm sorry," Julian said again, and again and again and again but did it matter? Did it make a difference? He'd screwed up. Big time. And he didn't know what to do about it.

"No," Logan held up a hand. "Save it." Staring at something out the window, he stood up slowly, carefully, like he was holding an egg balanced on a spoon. "I'm going back to the house. See you both later."

He sauntered out of the café, looking down at the floor. He had the appearance of someone who'd undergone major heartbreak. Julian was starting to think he had. Had Julian underestimated Logan's feelings for him?

Probably. Because Julian was an idiot.

"Okay." Derek's voice pulled Julian back to reality, and that was a place that Julian _really_ didn't want to be. "What did you do to him? I haven't seen him this upset since…I've never seen him this upset."

"He's not upset," Julian said desperately, willing it to be true.

"He is, he never takes the medication on his own. Wow, either you really don't remember anything, or you're thick." Derek shook his head. "I guess you're not going to tell me."

"I was stupid," Julian said, head in his hands.

"So what's new?" Derek grinned, but stopped when he realized that Julian wasn't in the mood and it really wasn't a time for grinning, anyway.

"I have to go," Julian said abruptly, standing up quickly and whacking his knees on the table. His coffee spilled a little, and he wiped it off the table with his hand before turning and striding out of the restaurant.

How could he have been such an idiot? He'd really screwed up. He had really thought that the only way to help things was to convince Logan that he was straight. But that was like the time he'd decided that the best way to get a role in a huge movie was be late to his audition. He hadn't gotten the role and now he'd completely screwed up any possible relationships with Logan.

The ocean lapped at his feet as he walked through the sand, the night was falling, and Julian didn't want to go home. He couldn't see Logan this way. He couldn't bear seeing Logan medicated and numb because of the pain that Julian had caused. It was like walking in hell, knowing that he brought about that hell.

He had to tell the truth. He had to go home right now and tell Logan exactly what had happened, even though it was stupid and he didn't really have a good reason for what he'd done. Logan might not believe him…

Logan's face appeared in Julian's mind, his green hazy eyes, his deep set sadness, and Julian knew that this was not the Logan that was real. The real Logan was hard to get to, and rarely showed himself. But he was the best Logan, he was the reason Julian had fallen in love with Logan in the first place.

"_Logan, do you have the History note-AUGH!" Julian jumped, screaming, and the blonde doubled over laughing. "What are you _doing_?" Julian shouted._

"_Scaring you," Logan managed through his laughter. _

"_By jumping out at me like that?"_

"_Yes."_

"_Why?"_

"_Because I've never seen you scared and I wanted to know what you looked like when you were scared." He feigned a serious expression. "Now, tell me. Did you pee your pants?"_

"_Derek, just _hold still_." Logan grabbed Derek's arm and held tight. "Oh, wow, you are _ripped_, dude." He ran his hand up and down Derek's arm. "What do you press, 250?"_

_Derek sniffed, not amused. "No." He allowed a smile. "240."_

"_Okay, arm wrestling match, right here, right now." Logan propped his hand on the lunch table in an arm wrestling pose, and Derek did the same. They wrestled, Julian cheering them on._

_Derek won, but Logan pretended he had won and turned to Julian, saying, "You didn't know I was so strong, did you?"_

_Logan struck a pose, his hand on his hip, turning slowly so that Julian could examine the jacket._

"_Very nice," Julian said, clapping politely._

"_I hate these suits my dad makes me wear," Logan said, pulling at his hair._

"_Then don't wear them," Julian replied calmly._

"_Don't wear them?" Logan repeated, as though the idea had never even occurred to him._

"_Yeah. Who says you have to do everything your dad says?"_

"_I don't do everything my dad says!" Logan exclaimed, suddenly sounding distraught. "I'm not straight, but my dad tells me to be."_

_Julian nodded. "It's a start…"_

_Logan looked infuriated. "What do you mean, It's a start?"_

"_Don't wear the jacket, wear jeans and a t-shirt," Julian said._

_A grin slowly crept across Logan's face as he considered this._

"_Yeah. I'll wear jeans and a t-shirt." He was smiling ear to ear. "Senator Wright's Gay Son Shows Up To Banquet In Jeans and a T-shirt." He practically jumped with joy – the joy of defying a father whom he hated so much._

_Logan hoisted himself out of the pool, dripping with water and smelling very much like chlorine. "Hey. Julian. Towel?"_

_Julian looked up over his magazine, where he'd been reading an article that was supposedly about him but really wasn't at all. _

"_Listen to this," he said instead, and Logan rolled his eyes and headed to his chair to get his towel himself. "_Julian Larson-Armstrong is reportedly having a love affair with both Olsen Twins._" He laughed._

"_Seriously?" Logan turned to him, green eyes twinkling. "Are you really? Okay, tell me honestly…are they any good in bed, or are twins just an overblown fantasy?"_

"_You wouldn't care if two girls were better than one, you'd rather have boys," Julian replied coolly._

"_Does that mean I can't appreciate sex?" Logan asked. "I bet in my whole life I'll have _way _more than you can ever even dream of." He poked Julian's arm and smiled._

"_Oh, yeah, right," Julian said. "You forget I'm a product of Hollywood. I have booze and boobs at my fingertips all night long."_

"_Yes, and I go to an all boys school, where being gay is a clear advantage over being straight. Besides, Mr. Awkward, you haven't been to Hollywood in a long time." But he was smiling, and Julian, even then, couldn't be angry at that smile._

Julian had shut the real Logan up, and the real Logan was trapped. Julian had to tell the truth. He had to at least try. He missed Logan too much, and not this medicated Logan, but the real Logan, the one that showed when Logan thought no one was looking.


	11. Chapter 11

**I'm sitting in my room. No school tomorrow, Rent soundtrack is on, and I think it's time to write another chapter…**

**BY THE WAY. EVERYTHING IS STILL CP COULTER'S!**

**And thanks for the reviews, still loving them like I love chocolate.**

Chapter 11

The first thing Julian noticed when he walked through the door to Logan's house was Logan on top of someone on the couch. There was some heavy duty lip action going on, and Julian figured it was just some guy Logan had found on the street. He looked away, deciding that now was not the best time to come clean to Logan. But curiosity pulled his gaze back.

And he saw long blonde hair laying across the couch cushion. He saw a skirt on tanned legs. He saw boobs spilling out of a tank top that had been pulled up.

Logan's hands were on her stomach, inching upward.

Julian turned and quietly exited the room to go into the kitchen, give himself a heavy dose of the strongest medicine he could find, and go to sleep. Derek was sitting on the counter, texting, face illuminated in the dark room by the fake light of the cell phone.

"Hey," he said when Julian entered. "You saw Logan's new friend?"

"Thought he was gay," Julian mumbled sullenly, staring at the floor.

"He is," Derek said wisely, not looking up.

"Know where the medicine is?" Julian asked.

"Cupboard in the hall, but don't you dare go killing yourself or anything," Derek said. "Logan would follow you if you did that."

Julian examined his feet. "No, I don't think he would, but I wasn't going to kill myself. I…am over him."

The biggest lie he'd ever told, but he felt too numb to care.

"Mmm. Right, you're over him. Yeah, and I vacation on the moon." Derek still hadn't looked at Julian, but now he looked up and saw the dark figure leaning against the counter. "You know what, I think it's time you and I did something – just the two of us. Do you want to go for a walk or something?"

Julian sighed. "Yeah. Sure."

The stars were coming out of the dark curtain of the sky as Derek and Julian walked along, two shadows in the shadow of night.

"Tell me…" Julian said slowly, "When you figured it out. You know. That I loved him."

"It was obvious, at least to me. Apparently not so much to Logan…" Derek laughed dryly. "But really, it took until Junior year for me to figure it out. You _are_ a very good actor, so…"

Julian blushed despite his best efforts.

"Okay, well, in Sophomore year I had some suspicions. The way you watched him when he walked away, the way you teased him…the way you left when he and Blaine…well, yeah. I just figured it was a coincidence, but then in Junior year when you left when he fell for Kurt, it was as good as confirmed. And the way you look at him when he isn't looking. But I am. I'm always looking and I always see and…well, you know how I feel about it. You just need to man up. And not just when you're _dying_, because that doesn't count."

Julian stared at a street lamp a hundred yards ahead.

"Why did you do it?" Derek asked softly. "Why did you ruin things between you two? I may not know what you did, but when you remembered and he kept flirting with you, I figured that was it. It would happen. It was perfect, why did you screw it up?"

"I'm stupid," Julian said quietly, more to himself than to Derek.

"I know, but how?" Derek was pleading. "Tell me. Please. I have to know if I can fix things between you, and apparently I'm the only one with any brains here."

"You have a new girlfriend every week, sometimes two," Julian shot back.

"Since when was this about me?" Derek asked. "I don't make you sit around and watch while I mess up my whole life."

Julian considered this.

"I told him I was straight," Julian said after a moment. "I kissed him and then told him it…didn't…turn me…on."

"It did, though," Derek replied calmly.

"Best moment of my life," Julian said.

"Wow." Derek looked at the shop windows they were passing. "What are you going to do?"

"Not a clue." Julian ran a hand through his hair, something Logan did a lot. Suddenly, Julian's heart felt like it was ripping in two. Logan. Logan was making out with a girl, and at the rate they were going, he'd have sex with her within the hour. And it was Julian's fault, because Julian had broken the heart of the only one he'd ever cared about.

"Tell him the truth," Derek said. "Tell him the _whole _truth. Make it long, make it drawn out, tell him everything from freshman year to now, _every single thing_. He deserves it. Even if he hates you for all the things you've done to him, at least it'll all be out. Hiding from him has never worked for you."

"Since when did you know anything?" Julian shot back, though in truth that was exactly his plan.

"Don't tell me you didn't think of it yourself."

"I was going to do it tonight."

"And why didn't you?"

"He's rounding second base with a leggy blonde."

"Good point."

"So when?"

"I'll get rid of the blonde."

"No." Julian stared at the reeds in the sand as they walked onto the beach. "No, let him do this. He has his reasons, though they're probably delirious and drugged-up reasons. I owe it to him as much as I owe him the truth."

Derek looked at Julian. "We should encourage it?"

"Well, no. We should just let him be. I'll tell him. I will. After he gets over that leggy blonde."

Derek sized up Julian's expression for a minute before deciding the actor was sincere. "You really love him."

Julian didn't respond, but it was true. He really did love Logan Wright, and there was nothing he could do about it.

The leggy blonde's name was Kristin, and she had no shirt on when she was introduced to Derek and Julian by a Logan who was grinning – or trying to grin.

It was actually a grimace, but Julian and Derek pretended it was real.

They were going to do a lot of pretending in the week to come, during which Logan would pretend to be straight and pretend he loved Kristin. They had loud sex in the bedroom next to Julian's every night, and Logan even went so far as to ask Julian if he had any condoms, "Because obviously you're into that."

And Logan kept taking his medication.


	12. Chapter 12

**CP Coulter owns the characters.**

**I love reviews. Seriously, they make my day, without them I wouldn't be writing this. I can't even express it.**

**And this is up quite quickly, now, isn't it? Consider it an Easter present.**

**Chapter 12**

The ferris wheel spun overhead, screams could be heard from the mini-rollercoaster, games dingdingdinged as the winners screamed with delight, little kids cried for ice cream, cotton candy, and soda, water lapped at the pillars of the pier, feet hit the boards, the sun sunk into the ocean.

"This is fun." Kristin was wearing a hot pink tank top that was 3 sizes too small for her. Her hair was pulled back into a high ponytail, and her big purple sunglasses were acting as a headband.

"I agree." Logan was wearing a black t-shirt that said Ohio Show Choir Champions on it and had the word WARBLERS printed across the back in big white letters.

"I'm so glad we could do this." Derek was wearing no shirt and swim trunks. His aviator sunglasses made it very hard to tell whether he was looking directly at the person he was talking to or whether he was staring at Kristin's butt.

"…" Julian was wearing a white t-shirt that hugged his chest very nicely and showed off his abs. He'd had to buff up for a movie he'd done a year or so ago in which he needed to spend quite a bit of time shirtless, and had never quiet lost his six pack.

Julian hoisted the large stuffed bear he was carrying into a more comfortable position over his shoulder. He'd been forced to carry it for Kristin after Logan won it for her. And Logan had only won it because Julian cheated for him.

Derek grabbed a handful of the cotton candy Kristin was eating, and Kristin playfully – flirtatiously – slapped him on the arm.

Julian caught Logan staring at him with those hazy green eyes, and looked away quickly.

"You know," Logan said, "Julian loves roller coasters."

Julian glared at him, and was about to say that no, he didn't, but then he remembered that he wasn't supposed to know whether he did or not.

"I don't think they seem like much fun," Julian said across Derek and Kristin. He and Logan had stayed as far away from each other as possible all night.

"You love them!" Logan exclaimed. "Come on, let's go." He grabbed Kristin's hand and started leading her toward the bright green rollercoaster. It was supposed to be a sea serpent, and in addition to plunging off the pier and heading directly toward the water before straightening up at the very last minute, it did three loops and a 100 foot drop.

Derek looked long at Julian before the two of them followed.

The line was long, and it gave Julian plenty of time to make excuses: "I really don't think roller coasters seem like fun." "Are you sure I like roller coasters?" "I just ate." "I don't like sea serpents." "I have to pee." "I just remembered something I left at the game booth."

It was to no avail.

They got into the cars. Logan insisted on sitting with Julian, and Kristin and Derek didn't seem to mind sitting with each other. Julian clutched the seat frantically. He hated roller coasters. He avoided them like the plague. He never threw up, but he hated the stomach churning feeling they gave him, and the fact that he was completely out of control, and—

He screamed when the roller coaster took off, and screamed throughout the whole 2 minute ride.

Logan laughed, looking at Julian with hazy eyes that didn't feel anything. It was a show. His emotions were all a show. He wasn't really happy. He wasn't really sad. He wasn't really heartbroken. He wasn't really anything.

"I hate you." Julian's legs were shaky as they got off the ride.

"The feeling is mutual." Logan wasn't looking at Julian's face, though, his eyes were roaming emotionlessly over Julian's chest.

"Lo? My face is up here." Julian, without thinking, put his hand on Logan's chin and pulled it upward gently. Logan's eyes slowly roamed upward until they were looking straight at Julian, and Julian thought he saw a flicker of something in Logan's eyes. He couldn't tell what it was, and it was over in a flash. "Thought you were straight," he said, again without thinking.

Derek and Julian had pointedly not said anything about Logan and Kristin and the fact that Logan was gay as the Fourth of July. They hadn't said anything about his medication. They'd been completely silent on everything of importance.

"I am. I'd never lie about my sexuality." These words should have been accompanied by a biting tone, one that cut through the air like Excalibur. But there was emptiness in the words.

"What about sex?" Kristin asked, bounding up to them once she'd gotten out of her car.

"You're great at it," Logan said emotionlessly, pecking her cheek.

Kristin giggled.

Julian rolled his eyes at Derek, who rolled his own back.

"I'm getting tired," Julian said loudly.

"Hey!" Kristin exclaimed, looking at Julian as though for the first time. "You look really really familiar."

"You're quick, nothing much gets by you," Julian deadpanned. Logan snorted, but turned it into a cough.

"No, seriously. You're, uh, oh God, you're on that tv show." Kristin looked to Logan for help.

"Grant. Something Damaged," Logan offered.

"Right. Yeah. I hate that show." Kristin smiled as though this was a compliment. "I watch every episode though. But Jersey Shore is a lot better."

"Ah." Julian nodded slowly, not quite sure how to respond to this.

Logan was looking at Julian emptily, his gaze holding nothing.

"Anyway, um." Derek jumped in to save Julian. "He's been in other stuff."

"Oh?" Kristin looked bored. "I don't really watch tv or movies. Kind of boring."

Logan was still looking at Julian, but his eyes had nothing in them at all – no love, no happiness, no heartbreak. Julian wanted so badly to pull him aside and tell him everything, but Logan needed time to be with Kristin, to make mistakes, and to experiment. It was important. Julian had spent the past 3 years doing it. And besides, Julian needed time himself. To figure out how exactly to tell Logan.

"Hey. Logan." Kristin turned to Logan. "I love you."

Julian's eyes widened, his heart began to race, he waited for Logan's response. Logan tore his gaze away from Julian and fixed it on Kristin instead.

There was a moment where the silence was on fire, and then Logan said robotically, as though his heart was iced over and he was completely numb, "This isn't working out, Kristin. I'm sorry, but go have hot and violent sex with someone else. I don't swing your way."

Kristin blinked at him. "You don't…swing my way? What? We aren't talking about basketball."

Logan looked past her at Julian. "It means I'm in love with someone else." Still robotic, but this time with less numbness. It was like there was feeling there trying to push through the medicine-induced haze.

"Oh." Kristin smiled. "Well, that's okay. I am too." She turned to Derek, kissed him suddenly, and then ran away.

Julian stared at Logan. "You and I…need to talk." He shifted the bear on his shoulder again, before turning around and handing it to a little girl in a sundress. "Here, have this." She looked delighted and thanked him. He smiled at her, his movie star smile, and she skipped away with a bear two times her size. "So tomorrow, don't you dare take your pills, and I'll meet you on the beach at 1."

Julian walked away slowly, and Logan stared after him for a long time, even after his view was obstructed by happy carnival goers.


	13. Chapter 13

**Your reviews are why I do this, keep them coming.**

**CP Coulter owns these characters.**

**I won't be able to update so much this week because it's tech week for my play. So I'm sorry about that, I'll do what I can.**

**Oh and by the way, I have all sorts of extra enters and stuff that is supposed to separate different scenes, but I noticed that on it doesn't recognize those, so it doesn't do that and you can't really tell when one scene ends and the next begins. It just sort of looks like it's a random scene-change that is awkward and weird. Or am I the only one who thinks that? I hope it wasn't too confusing, and I'm going to try different things to put in ways to separate scenes. Sorry! **

**Chapter 13**

"I'll talk and you'll listen, and when I'm done you will respond, but not until I'm done." Julian didn't look at Logan, but could tell just by the way Logan had walked up to him and sat on the bench and now was breathing rather erratically that he had followed orders and not taken his medication that morning.

"Okay," Logan said, sounding not at all like himself, but rather like a little boy who had just watched his first horror movie.

"I regained my memory a week or so ago. I remembered everything, and now I'm going to tell you everything. I swear on my life all of this is true. If you don't believe me, that's your problem." He took a moment to compose himself before plunging forward. "I fell in love with you in freshman year. I don't know why and I didn't know why then and I might never know why, but there it is. I tried everything I could think of to fall _out_ of love with you, to turn myself straight again, but no matter what the hell I did, I was bisexual and I was in love with you. I dated girls. I dated guys. I dated anybody who I thought might get my mind off of you, but they were always blondes and more often than not had green eyes. None of them were you, though. None of them could ever measure up. I never loved any of them.

"You were ignorant the whole time. You fell in love with boy after boy, and each time you did, I left. I went to shoot a movie or something every time. I escaped. I would do my best to help you, because I wanted you happy. That was how I showed you my love, even though I couldn't actually _show _you my love.

"I came back when I thought the coast was clear, and sometimes – like with Kurt – it wasn't actually clear and you were still going crazy over the guy. I wanted to kill them all. Believe me. I wanted to murder every boy you ever looked at because you never looked at me the way you looked at them.

"I didn't, though, obviously. But it was becoming too much. I couldn't stand it anymore. So I was about to leave Dalton for good. Permanently. Never come back. And you wouldn't have even missed me, you never did. I was no one to you, while you were everything to me.

"I was leaving when I found the message from the stalker. So I couldn't go. I was stuck. At Dalton. With you. And all those boys that you thought you loved. It was hell, because I knew that you didn't really know what love was. _I_ did. _I_ knew what love was and I felt it for you, and you ran around like a fool falling for _every guy_ and…Yeah. So I wanted to leave. But I couldn't.

"The rest…you know.

"So then when I had amnesia and you wouldn't tell me _anything _important, and I didn't know where you and I stood, and I didn't know what I'd told you when I thought I was on the verge of death…Well, I got pissed, Lo. And I was confused. I didn't know anything and you wouldn't tell me. I remembered because I overheard you and Derek fighting one morning about whether or not you should tell me everything. It all came back, and I knew that if you knew that I remembered, you'd expect us to just…be together. Be in love. And I wasn't ready for that, because for one thing I was pissed at you for not telling me anything important, and for another thing I had reasons for not telling you I was in love with you in the first place. If it got out that I was gay, it'd be terrible for my career. I didn't have the guts to do it.

"So I did the stupidest thing I've ever done. I kissed you and lied to you. Of _course _it turned me on. It was the best moment of my life. It felt so much better than all of the girls I've ever kissed…combined. You're amazing, Logan, and I loved kissing you. But I lied to you. I told you that it didn't turn me on. Because I was scared shitless. I didn't want you to know I was gay – bi – whatever. It doesn't…really…make sense.

"And then you started dating Kristin and I did what I always do – I let you. I just let you go and get it out of your system. And I hated _every second of it_. Believe me, Lo, I cannot _stand _myself because of what I did to you. You don't deserve that.

"Well, maybe you do a little.

"But…I love you.

"Okay, that's it. That's my story. You probably don't care at this point. I blew it. You don't deserve _me_, you deserve someone who can tell you when they love you. You deserve someone who doesn't get scared of his own feelings. You deserve someone who-"

"Shut up." Logan's finger was on Julian's lips. "Just shut up."

Julian shut up.

"Why would you do that? Why would you lie?" Logan's green eyes were full of fire. Julian's heart sunk.

"Because I-" Julian started, but stopped when Logan pressed his finger into Julian's lips even more.

"No. Let _me_ talk now, okay?" Logan was silent for a moment, thinking it over, and Julian's heart pounded on his ribcage, trying to break free. "I _did_ love you. In freshman year. I loved you for…oh, God, I don't know, I loved you for a long time. But you didn't return the feelings, you were straight, and I realized that I can't just pursue straight guys because they'll never feel the same. So I shut my feelings up and didn't tell you. I didn't let it show. I'm kind of an actor myself, but apparently, _you_ are better than I thought you were. Eventually I stopped loving you. When Blaine came I loved him, and then I loved other guys, because _you_, Julian, _you didn't love me back_. And you never would because you weren't programmed that way. It's not that complicated. For me. But if you'd just _told me_…" He cursed under his breath. "If you'd just told me all of this in freshman year. It would've been…so much better than the way things actually went. And we wouldn't be like this now."

"How are we?" Julian said, because Logan had removed his finger.

Logan considered. "We aren't in love. We love each other, but we aren't _in love_. I love you and you love me, but maybe your love just isn't strong enough."

"What? My love isn't _strong enough_? Logan, you have no idea how much I-"

"If you really loved me, you'd have told me."

"I _couldn't_."

"You could, it's not that hard."

"Right, because you're the love expert."

"I'm better than you."

"Why are we fighting?"

"Because. You didn't tell me you loved me!"

"I COULDN'T!"

"You could."

"So what? What now? You know now, I've told you. Clearly I _do _love you enough. Can we just figure this out instead of fighting?"

Logan didn't have time to respond because there was a gun shot behind them. Julian blanched, jumped up, and started to run. His memories with guns weren't all that positive. Logan stared after him, before standing up and slowly following.

.

Adam was too fast. He was faster than Julian. He caught up to Julian, and, before Logan's eyes, grabbed the actor and tackled him to the ground. Logan started running, but Adam looked up and saw Logan. With crazed eyes, he raised the gun and pointed it straight at Logan. Logan stopped. He stood completely still. People watching were screaming, Logan hoped someone would jump forward to help, but no one did.

Adam dragged Julian away, still pointing the gun at Logan. Once Julian and Adam were out of sight, Logan ran after them, whipping out his phone and dialing 911.


	14. Chapter 14

**Y'all have NO IDEA how hard this week has been. I've literally had ZERO TIME to write this chapter, and it's been bouncing around in my head the whole time, forming into a better and better chapter (in my humble opinion), and I couldn't write it and darn it, now I'm going to write it! **

**The show is tomorrow, and I'm freaking out about that, and I still have my makeup on from the dress rehearsal today, but darn it, this chapter will be finished before I do anything else.**

**Thanks for your patience! The rest will be updated fairly quickly unless my muse takes a vacation, which she does at all the worst times, but usually not for fanfiction.**

**This chapter is going to be sort of short, because I just wanted to get away from the cliffhanger, but didn't have time to write a full-length chapter.**

**Okay, on with the show!**

**(Just for future reference – smut and I don't get along. There will be no smut in this story.)**

**Chapter 14**

Julian was dragged along at gun point by the stalker, who didn't turn his face. Julian couldn't tell who it was, but the hair looked strangely familiar… However, while being faced with a loaded gun, it's hard to think much about anything. All Julian could think about was Logan, still, even though his problems with the green-eyed blonde were far from the most important thing at this point.

Julian's eyes darted around, but the route the stalker was forcing him to take was deserted. The stalker must have checked it beforehand to make sure the coast was clear.

"Who the hell are you?" Julian demanded as they rounded a corner and saw an abandoned warehouse at the end of the dead-end street.

The stalker didn't say anything. Julian nervously eyed the gun and didn't dare try to move around so he could see his face better.

"Where are you taking me?" Julian asked, though it was pretty clear as they got nearer and nearer to the warehouse – broken windows, smokestacks made of dark red bricks, tall steel walls – that this was their destination.

No answer.

"What do you want?" Julian asked, but it was in vain. The stalker pulled him through a rusty door, which the stalker then slammed closed behind them.

The light was dim, illuminated through dusty windowpanes far overhead. There was nothing in the large room but small bits and pieces of things.

The stalker turned as soon as he'd closed the door, and Julian could see his face.

"Adam?" His first reaction was relief – okay, it was just Adam, just a joke – but at the crazed look on Adam's face and the gun still pointed at Julian's chest, Julian's second reaction arrived, and that was sheer terror. Even more so than before. His attacker had a face, and it was a familiar one. One he'd talked to. One he'd trusted.

"Yes, it's me." Adam had a smile on his face, one that showed off too many teeth and wasn't really even a smile.

Julian looked at him in shock. "You're not going to…you're not seriously…going to…"

"Kill you?" Adam laughed bitterly. "Of course not. I _might_ have to kill your little friend…_What_ was his name?"

Julian's heart sunk, and he made a sudden grab for the gun. It was rash, and the gun fired at the wall.

"Oh, Julian. That's not a very good idea, now, is it?" Adam had control of the gun again – Julian had let go quickly as it fired – and was stroking it lovingly. "You don't want to get hurt too."

"Rather him than me," Julian muttered, but he stood still.

Adam turned the gun back to Julian's chest. "Let's do this quickly," he said.

"Do what?"

"Take off your shirt."

"Don't do it." The door had opened and Logan stood in the doorway. "Don't you dare take it off, Jules."

Julian's head snapped up so quickly he was in danger of whip lash. "Leave," he growled. "Now. Go."

Logan looked slightly hurt, but couldn't retaliate because Adam had turned the gun toward Logan.

"If you don't do what I say, I'll shoot him," Adam said loudly enough for Logan and Julian to both hear.

"Don't!" Logan cried, as Julian hastily grabbed at the bottom of his shirt and clumsily pulled it up over his head. "No!" Logan yelled.

Julian didn't look at Logan, didn't look anywhere but Adam. "What now?" he asked.

"Take off your pants," Adam said hungrily, not looking at Logan anymore but keeping the gun trained carefully on him. His eyes raked up and down Julian's body, taking in the actor's appearance as though he was a starving man in a buffet line.

Julian undid his belt and unzipped his zipper.

"DON'T!" Logan screamed hysterically. "I'm not worth it, Jules, Jules don't you _dare-_"

Julian's pants dropped to the ground next to his shirt.

"Underwear," Adam commanded, staring at the place just between Julian's legs.

"No." Logan was saying this under his breath now. "No, no, nonononononono. JULIAN!" he screamed as Julian slowly pulled down his underwear, looking at Logan now, boring brown into green.

Logan's gaze did not waver from Julian's face, not for one second, exercising a very large amount of self-control.

"I'm not going to let you die," Julian said simply, now looking to Adam for more instructions.

"Get down on the ground," Adam said, and Julian, completely naked, laid on the hard concrete floor.

Adam kept the gun trained on Logan as he lowered himself slowly, fully clothed, and put his lips on Julian's. The gun was still trained on Logan…

"NO!" Logan shouted, running toward them despite the gun. "No." He grabbed the gun as it fired, and the bullet sped past his right ear. He wrestled the gun from Adam's grip and pointed it instead on Adam, who looked unsettled for the first time. "I'll shoot you. I will _shoot you _if you don't _get off my best friend right now_."

Adam looked torn, but Julian pushed against his chest gently. Adam stood up and Julian scrambled to get his underwear on.

"The police are coming," Logan said in a low voice. "They'll take care of you."

.


	15. Chapter 15

**As ALWAYS, THANK YOU FOR THE REVIEWS! I LOVE THEM! If you haven't yet reviewed, please do, I can't even tell you how much it means to me. It's like eating a HUGE CHOCOLATE CAKE. You like chocolate, right? Everybody likes chocolate. If you don't like chocolate, then it's like eating a HUGE VANILLA CAKE. There, everybody's pleased**

**Also as ALWAYS, everyone in this story belongs to CP Coulter.**

**Chapter 14**

A siren blared in the distance as Logan held open the door of the police station for Julian. Julian stepped through, feeling numb. This must be what Logan felt like when he was on his medication. Julian had spent an hour talking to police officers, and Logan had spent the same hour yelling at police officers about how they had to just kill that little…

Well, what he'd told the police officers wasn't really worth repeating, and if Julian hadn't dragged him from the examining room then he would've been at it all night.

As it was, Adam was behind bars and ready for trial. Julian wasn't quite sure what else Logan was hoping for.

"You don't really want them to kill-" he started as they stepped into the blazing sunshine.

"Of course I do!" Logan exclaimed. "He wanted to…" He couldn't bring himself to say it, to give words to what had almost happened.

"He didn't," Julian replied.

"He could've."

"You stopped him."

"If I hadn't been there…"

"You were there."

"If I hadn't been!"

"There's no point in talking about ifs, Lo. The past is past and you can't-"

Logan suddenly wheeled on Julian. They were stopped in the middle of the sidewalk, and Julian had to grab Logan's shoulders and pull him over so that people wouldn't have to walk around them to get past.

"We were in the middle of a conversation, weren't we?" Logan demanded, green eyes flashing, though not necessarily from anger.

"Right. I believe you were yelling at me and telling me that I don't love you enough?" Julian raised an eyebrow. "Do you want to skip that part this time, or do you want to get back to that right away? I'd honestly be fine either way. Whatever you want, Oh Tempestuous One."

"You were about to explain why you never told me you were in love with me," Logan countered.

"Ah, right after _you_ told me why you didn't tell _me_ I was in love with you."

"That makes no sense."

"Shut up, it makes perfect sense." Julian stood and waited.

"Okay, so what if I gave you a…oh, God, what is that stupid animal? Oh, right, a hedgehog. If I gave you a hedgehog and said, 'Oh, and by the way, it's blind.' Then you'd of course notice that it's blind and you'd be like, 'Oh, shit, my useless animal is blind. What the hell, Logan?' But if I didn't tell you it was blind, then you'd _never know_ because hedgehogs don't _do_ anything, and you'd just be like, 'Oh, yay, Logan got me a hedgehog!' or whatever. And you'd learn to love the stupid thing normally, rather than loving it because it's blind and you feel bad for it. Does that make sense?"

"Hedgehogs are _not_ useless," Julian said, covering for the fact that he had no idea what Logan was talking about.

Logan ran a hand through his hair. "I mean, like, if I'd told you that you loved me, you'd love me because you felt obligated. If you fell in love with me naturally, then sure, whatever, you'd live a happy life with your hedgehog and you'd never have to know it's blind."

"What are you, Jesus?"

Logan's eyes flashed again, this time definitely in an angry way. "You get it."

"Yeah."

"So? Are you going to just stand there or are you going to forgive me?"

"I'd rather you'd just told me the hedgehog was blind, because that way I could help it through its life and it wouldn't just be blind and I'd never even know. It would suffer."

Logan looked at Julian for a long, long time. "You suffered?"

Julian didn't respond for a moment, then said, "Of course I did. But I suffered a lot before that, I'm used to it, don't beat yourself up over it. Also, this parable thing is really terrible, because I can't be represented by myself _and_ the hedgehog."

Logan ignored this. "Now, you. Why would you never _tell me_ that you loved me?"

"How could I?"

"It's easy."

"No, it really isn't. I wasn't _out_. Hell, Logan, I'm _still_ not out! I couldn't just…you have to just understand, okay? Please? If you love me?"

"_If I love you_?" Logan repeated, seething. "_If I love you? _I wrestled a freaking gun out of some psycho's hands for you."

"I kissed the same psycho for _you_."

Logan considered for a long, silent moment.

"Are we even?" Julian asked, breaking the quiet between them.

"Maybe."

"Maybe what?"

"It really depends."

"Depends on what?"

"Depends on how good a kisser you are...when you aren't being a total ass."

Logan leaned forward and Julian met him halfway. Their foreheads were pressed together, they stared into each other's eyes, each asking a permission they didn't dare say out loud. Receiving it, their lips met and they kissed. Rain started to pelt them, a sudden summer storm, but neither of them cared.

Logan pulled away after a moment. "It also depends on if you're willing to put up with me – without medication."

"It depends on if you're willing to put up with _me_ … just, all the time."

"What the hell do you think I've been doing the past three years?"

"And what the hell do you think _I've_ been doing the past three years?"

Their lips collided again, each of them flawed and hard to deal with and annoying 99% of the time. Neither of them cared, though.


	16. Author's Note

**Author's Note**

**That was the end of Green Orbs.**

**I won't say that there won't be a sequel, because you never know, but I think I'm just going to do a bunch of drabbles and really short one-shots on my tumblr for right now.**

**Just because I love drabbles.**

**So I'll link you to my tumblr for some shameless self-promotion, and then say good-bye.**

**Flightofdeathfrench. Tumblr. Com**

**Obviously remove the spaces.**

**It's been a fun ride, and I love every single one of you. Your support has been amazing, I love your reviews, your story alerts, your adds-to-favorite-stories…**

**3 Helen**


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